What you never want to hear
by Kittythekatty
Summary: Prime reality Spock sends alternate reality Spock phrases that are pretty useful. Said phrases foreshadow accidents occurring in TOS. T for later chapters
1. The story begins

**A/n:** I was inspired by Zelda 12343's fic: Dear fanfiction writers TOS style. I will take requests in the form of PM of reviews. Reviews are also greatly appreciated. I apologize for OOCness

Phrases you never want to hear on the Enterprise

After the recent event of Nero almost destroying Terra, it occurred to Ambassador Spock that: The alternate reality Enterprise crew was about to embark on their 5 year mission. Spock immediately thought about the fascinating and extremely illogical phrases that were uttered right before an accident happened. He decided to send a list of said phrases to his counter-part to try to assist the crew of the Enterprise. After all, what are prime reality counterparts for?

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Alternate reality Spock was quietly sitting at his desk concentrating on the documents on his PADD. A small beep alerted him to an incoming message. It was from Ambassador Spock. Curiously he thought (for approximately 2.385 seconds) about the purpose of this message. Was it about New Vulcan? Did his father become ill? He then concluded he should read it to find out. Spock opened the message. Immediately the image of the aged ambassador popped up.

"Greetings Spock. I have recently heard that the Enterprise is about embark on her five year mission. I have thought of the many adventures we have had on our 5 year mission. I have decided to warn you of phrases that have preceded many accidents. Please show this to your captain and as crew members like Nyota, Hikaru, Montgomery, and Pavel As I have said before good luck."

The message promptly closed and opened up a document. Spock was sitting there slightly confused. Phrases that foreshadowed accidents? Quite illogical. Strangely he felt compelled to open the document and read it with his friends and lover. Spock reached for his communicator and spoke into it:

"Captain, could you please get Nyota, Ensign Chekov, Hikaru, and Mr. Scott?"

**A/n: Yay! I finished the first chapter. Please send ideas in a review or pm please. Reviews are greatly appreciated.**


	2. The first few phrases

**A/n: Thank you to all who favorited my story. Please send ideas and reviews!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek 2009**

Kirk

Jim was just minding his business and being extremely BORED. Ever since the Nero incident, there wasn't a whole lot going on. Except for hyposprays and red shirt injuries, not much happened. Until now.

Spock had just asked Jim to gather Nyota, Scotty, Sulu, Bones, and the Russian whiz ki- Pavel.

Spock had an "important" message from other Spock that just had to be viewed. Personally, Kirk would rather not but he was just so damn bored he did it anyway.

And there they were, sitting in the hobgoblin's lair. It was pretty neat, but it was a little too hot for his taste.

Spock cleared his throat. " I assume you are all wondering about why I have asked for you to come."

Jim rolled his eyes. "NO really." he thought.

Spock glanced over at Jim with a frustrated manner. "I am showing a document that Ambassador Spock has sent. It is implied that there is important information. I should hope you pay attention." Spock glanced at Jim and Pavel, who looked ready to fall asleep. Continuing, he opened the document on his PADD. Everyone leaned in, some curious, some bored to tears.

Phrases you never want to hear

"I'lllll take you home again Kathleen"

Jim thought he heard that song somewhere. Shrugging he continued to read

"Toga party in the Mess hall!"

"I suppose it wouldn't hurt to feed this tribble a little bit."

"Hey! We're cooking popcorn with phasers!

"No I don't want that piece of chocolate cake!'

-_Jim Kirk_

Jim was horrified. Who would refuse chocolate cake. Bones snorted when he read that.

"When Jim says that, I'll wear a tutu and dance around the whole ship!" Chekov and Sulu exchanged mischievous looks. Jim somehow knew that this would not be forgotten.

"THAT was not eenvwented in Russia!"

Jim was going to read more but a small beep alerted him that it was time for his shift.

Spock noticed and said, " This must be read with all of us present." A few awws were heard

*cough cough Pavel cough*, but the statement was obeyed. "Byes" were exchanged and they left, although Nyota left last, stopping to give Spock a kiss on the cheek.

**A/n: Done! Please leave a review with suggestions or a PM**


	3. Uhura's rage

**A/n: I am sorry for not updating. I'm pretty busy with homework. I will also try to make the chapters longer, but I am definitely open to suggestions!**

**Disclaimer: ** I don't own Star Trek or Star Trek 2009

McCoy

Everybody's shift was FINALLY over and now they could read what the other hobgoblin had sent them. And there everyone was sitting rather comfortably. The group decided to meet in Uhura's quarters. Bones thought it was more comfortable. Plus, the hobgob- Spock had set up a holoprojecter for easier display. Bones began to read.

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I have a beautiful Yeoman! Ever noticed her Mr. Spock? You're allowed to notice her! The captain's not permitted!"

- Kirk to Spock

Bone and a few others snickered as Uhura fumed where she was sitting.

"Is there something I need to know Spock?"

The Vulcan nodded no, slightly embarrassed and mortified. Bones was impressed. He didn't know the Vulcan could feel so many emotions at once.

"Shhhhhh. Be wvery wvery quiet. We're hunting Vulcans."

"High five to the face! Mr. Spock, are you alright?"

"Be really careful around Sickbay, McCoy's just got a shipment of hyposprays!"

"Today is your physical Captain."

Bones looked at Jim, whose face had turned pale.

"My name? It's Khan. Khan Noonien Singh."

"KHAAAAAAN! KHAAAAAAN!" – Kirk

Maybe this Khan guy was bad. Or he ate the last piece of the chocolate cake.

"I'm in love with you, Mister Spock. You, the human Mister Spock, the Vulcan Mister Spock."

- Chapel, holding Spock's hand

That was the second and last straw. Uhura flew into "Scary angry rage mode" Sulu shoved Pavel in front of him whimpering "Sacrifice!"

"FIRST it was a Yeoman, then it's CHRISTINE!?" Uhura shrieked. "Vulcans do not get scared, Vulcans do not get scared." Spock repeated mentally. However his human side was screaming "RUN AWAY!" Seeing this as a bad time, Bones, Jim, Scotty, Pavel and Sulu dashed out of Uhura's quarters while leaving Spock to face her wrath.


End file.
